Update and Poison's Giveaway!

Hi all,

I need to get the junk out of my house. I seem to have no will power right now (what is wrong with me) and  I got into something I shouldn't have eaten. I only went a little over my calories and I tracked it RELIGIOUSLY on Sparkpeople...but I've been feeling bad. So I am bringing all the junk food in my house to work tomorrow and letting the ladies have at it before they start their new years resolutions! I made the most sinfully decadent Butterscotch Blondies with Peanut-Pretzel caramal from scratch. I made it for a couple of my friends for Hannukah and Christmas and I had some leftovers. Bad idea. ALl I want to do is eat them. REALLY bad. So I packed them all up and they're going into work tomorrow. No ifs, ands or butts (and yes I meant to spell it that way, I don't want these going to my butt)!

I need to get my groove back...that's for sure. And after this weekend, it should be a breeze. I'm working the weekend and Monday...but then I have Tuesday/Wedensday off to get my Christmas stuff down, to cleanse and get some exercise. And from there things go back to normal, hopefully! And then it's just a countdown until I go to Italy. WHICH I CANNOT WAIT FOR!!!! I want to be at 260 by the time I go! Can I do it? I sure hope so!!!

Now Poison is an AWESOME BLOGGER and an even more awesome inspiration. I want to be her, running like the wind! She has a giveaway for a Chicken Soup to Inspire a Woman's Soul. But what I LOVE about this giveaway is taht after you read the book, you give the book away on YOUR blog. WE should call it the Sisterhood of the Travelling Fatpants! WOO!

Check out her blog here: POISON'S BLOG AND GIVEAWAY!

Have a great day everyone and skinny vibes to my weekend weighers!

Weigh In Wednesday

After about two weeks of eating horribly...I faced the scale. And I really didn't like the number that glared back at me. I need to get back on track and I'm motivated to do so! This upcoming week is another crazy one...but I am comitted to my plan. I'm eating my breakfast scramble and a glass of skim milk as I write this.

I am going to Italy in just over a month. I leave Feb. 5th and I am going for two whole weeks. I really want to be down 50 pounds before I go!! It's going to be hard work but I live on hard work ;)

Today is my last day off until next Tuesday so I'm enjoying it. I've got myself in front of my Christmas tree (I will take it down next Wednesday, after New Years), my fireplace, with a good book. Tonight my mother is coming over and I'm making my delicious CHICKEN WRAPS! It's really easy to make.

 I use the Garlic Perfect Portions chicken by purdue. I know they're expensive as hell but I love how easy it is to just take out one perfectly portioned chicken breast and not have to worry about measuring and weighing and all that. Then I use about 1/2tbsp of olive oil and sautee the chicken in that, I put in mushrooms, onions and on a 70 calorie Joseph's Flax, Wheat and Oat Bran wrap, with a 30 calorie slice of fat free American cheese. Super yummy and really healthy too! Meat, vegetable, good fat, carbs, fiber (the wraps have 5 grams of fiber), dairy. YAY!

So my goal is to track my food every day at Sparkpeople and stay honest with myself. I can do this...and I'm not making this a New Year's resolution. This is my life, this is my weight loss, and I can do this!

Christmas Catastrophe

I am telling you, these few weeks around the holidays are some of the most stressful that I've ever had in my life. I have crap mounting on top of me from work, peers, and family. I've been working nonstop for the last couple weeks, my days jammed absolutely beyond full to the point where I come home and want to cry...but I don't have time because I have to chart on all of my patients. Not to mention it seems like around this time of year, everyone is getting sicker and more depressed and it sucks. Moving on to peers, why is it that there always seems to be a friend who doesn't understand that you have to work? And that everything is a personal insult to them? I really don't need that right now, thanks. And then we have family...my uncle (the one with head and neck cancer) had an air embolism and then has had a horrible bout of pain from an unknown origin. In other words...very bad news. Then I have my mom asking me constantly if he's going to die and if I think the cancer has spread.

So between having absolutely no down time, working from 7am-10pm just about every day...it's been crazy. I had to work Christmas Eve and Christmas day, and I was the only nurse on the day after Christmas. I have been doing barely any exercise other than running my butt from place to place trying to see patients before they crash and burn. And eating...I think I should be the poster child for stress eating. With all the temptations around and none of the willpower, I've eaten like crap. Cookies, buffalo chicken dip, pigs in a blanket, shrimp cocktail, meatballs, turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole, fudge... I can go on but do I really need to?

I have to be honest with myself on this blog...but I tried to rationalize this bad eating in every way. Stress, it being the holidays, temptation. But really I knew it came from myself and my emotions.

I am going to Jenny Craig tomorrow and going to pick up some food...finally...I am not even sure I want to weigh in. I'm pretty sure I gained all the 40 pounds I lost back...

The next two days I finally have time off and I'm eating well, going to rest up, relax and jumpstart my weight loss as we kick off into a New Year!!

I hope everyone

Ugh.

I am swamped right now...at work, at home, with family...

And thusly I've been slacking on my JC. I ate OKAY over the weekend. I didn't go crazy but I also didn't do great either. I think I've been doing some stress eating too. I've been going a bit over my calorie count...which is not good. And now on top of everything, I have repairmen coming tomorrow to fix the cable, I have to bake for our office Christmas party...I don't have time to go to Jenny Craig. Which is fine, I have plenty of Jenny Craig food and healthy things I can cook.

I'm struggling with motivation right now. And maybe if my JCC was actually supportive...and didn't put me down. I might think about making time for it. But I feel like I get more support from my blogging buddies then I do from my consultant. I'm not complaining...I just feel overwhelmed. And driving 20 minutes to Jenny Craig then having a 5 minute consultation that really doesn't help and driving 20 minutes home is just a waste of my time. I have way too many other things to do.

So I'm going to try and eat well this week, track my calories, try and get through this slump. Any motivation would help right now. 

Weigh In Wednesday

Well, today started off with crap because I woke up SUPER early to do an admission. Yes, it's my day off. Yes, I don't have to work. But what am I supposed to do when my supervisor is telling me there's no one to do it and the other nurse has an admission too? And there are no per diems available? Come on. Ridiculous. So I was a very VERY nice girl and I went and did that at 7am. Followed by driving through the most horrible traffic I've ever seen back to my house. It took me 15 minutes to get into my street because all these people were stopped and refused to let me turn in! You're not going anywhere! Why do you have to block my street you can see me with my directional, sir! Yes, I am talking to you!

Anyway, then I ran like a mad woman to let the workmen into my house. Last year I had significant ice damming and flooding of my bedroom with all the winter weather we had here in CT...and they were coming to fix it. Today is their last day though thankfully, and my roommate let them in yesterday so I could get to see patients on time. Well they were late...and I was driving through thick construction traffic to get to my Jenny Craig appointment on time. Thankfully I got there only a minute or two after and my consultant was lounging anyway, it was a slooow day at Jenny Craig.

Good weigh in news though!! I lost 1.8 today bringing me down to my lowest weight 270.0!!!!! AND I have my period so I think that I even lost a little more than that. I am ready to kiss the 270s goodbye for GOOD. Total Loss = 40lbs. AND for the first time since before my vacation, my ticker has moved from where it was stuck. Yipee!

This weekend coming up is a bit hard for me. Friday we have our Seabury Christmas Party and there will be a lot of food temptations and such, plus we're celebrating Christmas early this weekend at my grandparents since I have to work Christmas and New Year's weekend this year. Suck. My grandparents butter and salt everyhting like crazy (so the food is so good). My goal is to eat in moderation and be a good girl. Santa Claus is watching, after all!

I hope that everyone has a great day. Skinny vibes to all my Wednesday weighers! And have a great week!

Sabotage.

Why am I doing this?

Is it because Aunt Flow is in town? Or what? I did a giant cleaning out of my closet this week and put all the old clothes that are way too big for me into a box to be cut up, thrown away and/or donated. But for some reason I am having trouble staying on plan these last few days. I feel like I'm purposely sabotaging myself! Yeah, I still track all my calories...except for yesterday which I don't even want to talk about. It was ridiculous. I'm embarassed with myself and with my choices...and there's no one here to blame by myself.

I love that I'm starting to look really good, I love my new sizes, I love that I'm recieving compliments too. But I also am afraid of what's going to come. WTF is wrong with me. That is SO stupid. I caught myself yesterday eating pizza, cookies I made with my mom, I came home and munched on junk... WHY!? Why would I do that? I wasn't even hungry!! What the hell. I'm pissed off at myself and I'm annoyed. I also have horrible cramps and feel like I might rip this uterus out at any second.

I need to stay on plan and track my calories. I need to make good choices even though it's the holidays. I have a lot of holiday parties comingup. My work party is on the 16th and there's going to be good food...but there will also be dancing. So maybe I can burn some calories off on the dance floor. Or maybe just do an exercise tape when I'm at home...I am still embarassed to go around showing off like that. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable enough in my own skin to cut loose like that.

I am telling you this because I need to be accountable for it. I need to stop sabotaging myself and stick to plan. My goal is to lose at least 1.5 pounds this week so I can get lower than my lowest recorded weigh in weight! AND  I need to say goodbye to the 270s. That means kicking my ass into gear and I know it. This is a very busy time at work, I have a lot of food temptations, and for some reason my morale is dipping. The rest of this week until weigh in on Wednesday I am sticking 100% to plan, I am drinking water, I am exercising...and I will pray before my weigh in this week!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Weigh in Wednesday and a New Holiday Look!

Today I'm struggling not losing my temper. My boss is driving me crazy with constant phone calls, not listening to what I have to say, and basically forcing me to do work on my day off. Oh, I have a choice to do it on Thursday...if I want to work a 15 hour day...I feel agitated and upset. The pain in my side is kind of going away though, which is good. I haven't had a pain since yesterday! That's some good news. I am also enjoying a Jenny Craig Cheddar Cheese Omelette with a diet swiss miss hot chocolate. If you love hot cocoa, I would definitely reccomend this! It's 25 calories for  a delicious cup of hot cocoa -- I can't even tell the difference between the diet and the regular. So that's saying something!

Going to my JC appointment did not help my bad day any. I walked in and she said "Oh you had a 9am appointment". I've had 9:15am appointments since I started at JC...not to mention the fact that it was just a little after 9 (I'm always early). I also did not get a reminder call for my appointment so...how was I supposed to know that I had a 9? Well I apologized...weighed in and lost a lovely 3.6 pounds! YAY! But it was then that my JCC reminded me very rudely that my lowest weigh in to date was 270.6 and I was still a pound away from that. Annoying.

I feel really angry today...not sure if it's my period that's a'comin' round the mountain...or if its a combination of that and all the crap that's been thrown at me right now. Seriously?

I'm just focusing on trying to relax...I have a ton of things that need to get done today. I have a bunch of errands to run. And it's ridiculously nasty weather out. People are driving like manics. It's pouring so hard I can barely see, have the winshield wipers on high...and I'm going a safe 55mph in a 65mph zone on the highway. And people are honking at me and passing me like I'm not even moving. Safety anyone? I am not picking your dumb butt off the highway, buddy...and I'm not going to be your nurse when we have to put you back together like Humpty Dumpty!

Now to focus on the positives...I have a lovely new holiday themed blog! I love LeeLou Blogs! First of all, she is an excellent designer...and she has a ton of free blog designs whch I love! You have to be a little bit HTML and CSS saavy to put them into place, if you ask me, but the results are just fabulous! What do you think of the new design!? I'm also sitting in front of my beautiful 4 foot tall Christmas Tree! I LOVE IT!

Here's a picture of it just for you! Isn't it awesome! And all of those presents are for other people, by the way, ahha I just wanted something under there! My sister's gift for Christmas and her birthday were sent to her in Italy! Where I am headed in February!!

Okay, well I am going to get started on my long to-do list...trying not to let myself get annoyed. I hope that everyone has a great weighing week! Have a great day!

Foggy Monday

Hi there friends,

The weekend went well food-wise. I could've done more with exercise but I've been having a ton of abdominal pain since Friday. As many of you know I was diagnosed with PCOS and that's one of my major motivators for getting healthy and losing weight. During an ultrasound, the doctor said that my left ovary is not completely cystic but I do have some cysts on it and it was slightly dilated. The right one was normal, thank goodness. One of the issues I was having was this horrible stabbing abdominal pain that I would often get without warning. My periods were very irregular, I wouldn't have one for three months and then have one that lasted two months straight; I was all out of whack and feeling awful!

But with losing weight, not only have my periods been regular but I feel better. I don't get the same horrible symptoms that I did prior to losing weight. But for some reason this weekend I've had this stabbing pain right in my abdomen around where my ovary is. It's not constant but when it hits me, it's very sharp pain that takes my breath away. I feel slightly nauseous and my stomach gets upset.But then it'll go away and I can continue on my day. I really hope that nothing is going on with my ladyparts...I've been doing so well and the thought of having a problem really scares me and makes me upset. I called my OBGYN to try and make an appointment but getting in there is hard. He's a really great reproductive endocrineologist that I found by pure chance, going down a list of GYNs that took my health insurance, ahah. But he's been great and I just hope that nothing is going on!

So I've been taking it a little easy with exercise. I didn't slack off completely but if I get too active, the pain gets worse. So...we'll see what he says.

I'm actually looking forward to weigh in this week. I think that I've been doing excellent on my plan and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can kiss the 270s goodbye VERY soon! I was almost there before the storm and my vacations. I am sending out skinny vibes to everyone! Hope you are all having a great start to your week!!

Weekend Update

Hi all!

I thought I'd check in on this lovely, brisk Saturday to tell you about my week. I've been right on with my goals...except for drinking water. I've been getting eight glasses of water per day CONSISTETLY but what happens is when I start going over that...that's when the peeing starts. This may not be a problem if I worked in an office or if I had a place I could easily go to the bathroom. However I am on the road all day seeing patients. It's not always appropriate for me to ask a patient if I can use their bathroom (and some of their houses are NASTY let me tell you!) and I don't have the time to go stop somewhere to go. Therefore I end up holding it until I'm ready to burst...which is uncomfortable. At eight glasses of water I can manage everything and I feel hydrated without feeling like I'm going to float away...sorry if its TMI!

I have been exercising a lot. Lately I've been starting to jog...which I'm kind of proud of. Prior to starting my weight loss journey even walking short distances I got winded. I hated running and I thought it was horrible. But now that I'm losing weight and doing more activity...maybe I judged it too harshly. Ultimately my goal is to participate in a triathalon and a 5K. I am not currently training at this time but it's there in my goals...I want to kick butt!  You can find my goals here in my 30 before 30 list! So far, I have only completed #6 which is LEARN TO GRILL! I am pretty good at it, I'll tell you! There were a lot of grilled veggie and chicken salads in a hot sauce dressing that were very delicious over the summer. That reminds me to buy stock in hot sauce...

I'm slowly but surely working on Goal #1 right now which is to fit into normal sized clothes. I went to Old Navy and I was buying some transition clothes and I found that I am fitting into large shirts rather than XL or XXL. So I'm getting there...I'm working toward becoming a success story!

So I feel very motivated. I've been doing really great with eating. I had a few nights of eating the Easy Cheesy Broccoli Cheddar Soup from Dashing Dash. I had to tinker the recipe because I forgot some ingredients...oops. But it was amazing. And I ate it with lighter version of a grilled cheese! Light rye bread, fat free american cheese singles and I sprayed the bread with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray instead of using real butter! SO GOOD. The soup ended up being 100 calories for a cup, so I added a bit of shredded parmesean to it, which was delicious. I also put in some hot sauce and lots of black pepper. YUM! The leftovers are in the freezer now, I'm just waiting for the right time to take them out!!

It's a quiet weekend, getting laundry done and cleaning up the house. I'm also planning on cleaning out my drawers and organizing. I hope that your weekend is going as splendidly as mine!